Divinely Living (Surviving Series) Read online

  DIVINELY LIVING

  BY

  COURTNEY CROSS

  Published by Courtney Cross, 2014

  Edited by Claire Allmendinger

  COPYRIGHT © 2014 COURTNEY CROSS

  All rights reserved. This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any form without prior written permission of the publisher, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution, circulation or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly. Thank you for respecting the work of this author. Divinely Living is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the author. Please do not take offence to the content, as it is FICTION.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  What can I say? To my Edinburgh bitches who I adore, your support is unconditional and constant and I love you all! To my editor, Claire (or ‘Louise’, please don’t ask ha-ha), thank you for your hard work on editing this story and your unique way of commenting on my mistakes and the parts of my writing you love! To Wendy (or ‘Thelma’) and Sally J, I love you both for your blog support, beta reading support and just brightening my day in general! To my boys at home, this is why Mum is forever on the laptop! I adore all three of you for your encouragement and your love. And finally, thank you to every blogger, fan and friend who continues to help me along the crazy Indie journey. This book is for you x

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Epilogue

  Chapter One

  The hot Mediterranean heat soared in temperature. A large shadow loomed before me, encasing my body in what should have been cool warmth. Instead my eyes widened in disbelief and shock, while my blood burned in my veins. An all familiar hunger stirred within my stomach and my mouth watered at the semi naked vision stood firm at the foot of the sun lounger I was laid on. Tremors of awareness sent my core muscles into spasm and licked like fire across my sweat misted skin. Jonah Jacobson may have been my downfall, my heart breaking deceitful ex, but he was still and always would be the singular, most arousing male specimen I ever had the misfortune to meet.

  Dressed in black swim shorts and tinted Ray Bans, his honey skin glistened with tanning oil under the St. Tropez sun. His toned frame appeared relaxed, although the tautness of muscular flesh and tightly strung outline of veins that permeated his skin betrayed that perception. Shimmering droplets of sweat adorned his forehead; his dark brown hair lay unruly across it. Piercing deep blue eyes, the colour of the azure sea in the background, bore through me as soon as his strong hand removed the sunglasses that blocked them from view.

  With a straight nose, sumptuous full lips and a defined jaw that wore a sprinkling of unshaven hair there was no mistaking or denying Jonah’s devastating appeal.

  I breathed in his aura, connecting with the pulsating vibrations of effervescent life force I always became consumed in when in his presence. The invisible line of need and want that our bodies were bound by banded tightly around me, suffocating me with its power and intensity. Involuntarily, my thighs pressed together, desperately attempting to soothe the painful ache of arousal. My sex moistened and swelled in remembrance of how his huge, gorgeous cock felt when buried deep inside me. A knowledgeable smirk upturned Jonah’s lip as he witnessed the slight movement and recognised its purpose. Surrounded by all he was, swamped in all we once were, a barely audible groan left my lips in a mixture of sexual frustration and rising anger.

  He maybe the epitome of every woman’s erotic, passionate desire, but he was also the one person whose betrayal and lies cut my soul to shreds. The scars I carried internally as a result were unhealed. The memory remained vivid and raw. Once, not so long ago, he had coaxed my fragile emotional state, wide open, liberated and invigorated my dark spirit to reawaken from its barely surviving dormancy before helping it to live. For that time, I forgot who I truly was, the woman I was destined to be from birth. Jonah gave me false hope, stirred tangible feelings of longing I had managed to block out for so long then crushed them in one destructive blow. His body quickly became my chosen narcotic and like the junkie he turned me into I craved a fix on a level I had never encountered or believed possible. But his feigned want and desire were no more real than the unattainable life I dared to believe I deserved and he could offer.

  My past dictated I would always fail, that the future I held onto by my fingertips for a short period in time would slip through them as all other aspects pertaining to the person I was genetically made to be did. I hated Jonah for enticing me with promises that would never transpire. Hated him for offering with one hand what he cruelly took with the other. But most of all, most of fucking all, I hated the fact he made me want him, need him and above love him.

  I began to shake with flaring temper as a grin spreads across his face. Jesus, he was divine. A further aspect to Jonah Jacobson’s image I hated.........and appreciated more than ever. Clearing my throat, I placed a nonchalant mask across my heated face and looked him dead on; thankful for the inexpensive shades that covered the myriad of emotions invading my emerald green eyes.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked my voice calm.

  The grin evaporated as he fisted his hands into the pockets of his swim shorts and breathed deeply. “I came for you.”

  “Me,” I snorted. “There’s nothing for you here, Jonah. You’ve had a wasted trip.”

  “I’d travel twice around the world for one second of your time, Ava. A few hundred miles for the minute I’ve had already, is no wasted trip I assure you.”

  The heavy Irish husk in his voice never failed to have me dripping wet between my legs. I hated that too. “Save me the smooth talk. I have nothing to say to you.”

  “Then just listen. I have plenty to say for the both of us.”

  Moving into a sitting position, I blew out in exasperation as my temper continued to rise. Visions of the day I happened across his fiancée Darcy, a woman who I had no knowledge of, and her truthful revelations that killed part of me clouded my mind. Restraint around Jonah was difficult at the best of times. Right now, when my self control was at its lowest ebb I was vulnerable. It wouldn’t take much to strip my defences where he was concerned and I just could not allow that to happen, not again.

  “Haven’t you hurt me enough?” I asked in a whisper. “I can’t deal with anymore of your lies.”

  Arching his neck, his sapphire eyes closed. A wince of pain contorted his face and his body went rigid. His hurt was evident. Hurt at
being caught the hell out no doubt, I sneered internally. Well screw that, I hoped he was hurting. I hoped his pain was as heavy as mine. It was the least he deserved.

  “I’m so sorry, Ava. In my desperation to keep you, I caused you pain. I have no excuses for doing that other than I love you.” Lowering his head, the haunted expression imbedded in his dimmed irises showed that whatever he felt, whatever he was experiencing, was very real and weighed heavy. I could almost believe he was a man suffering, a man lost. That unwelcome belief soon paled. I remembered Darcy’s beautiful face and cruel words that spoke the truth. That alone swept away any fleeting lapses in my judgement or emotions immediately.

  “Does Darcy know you’re here?” I questioned with a sarcastic tone.

  His jaw tightened and eyes hardened. “My whereabouts have fuck all to do with anyone, most of all Darcy.”

  “I think a chunk of precious stone on her finger gives her some say in where you decide to spend your time and who with.” The words lodged in my throat. My heart saddened at the knowledge he had never been mine.

  “I have no idea where that god damn ring came from or who purchased it. I never bought it for her. For the final time, we were never, and never will be, engaged. There’s only one woman’s finger I have ever considered placing my ring on, and that woman is you.”

  I blinked in disbelief. “You are such an asshole.” I shook my head and swung my legs over the side of the sun lounger. My baking skin needed relief. So did my raging libido. As pained as I was to admit it, his unique scent and divine body drove me half crazed with want. Jonah had a way of digging underneath my skin when he was near. He was familiar on an intimate level, aware of each of my trigger points and perfectly equipped to push my buttons, much to my dismay. My toes dug into the hot sand as I stood. Removing my sunglasses and placing them on the lounger I skirted around the man who had the power to undo my resolve with the slightest glance and ran the short distance across the secluded beach and to the cold sand of the waters edge. I closed my eyes and composed myself. A slight sea breeze brushed across my sensitised and slightly pinking skin, as my toes flexed into the saturated ground. I sighed heavily, angry with myself that even after all Jonah had put me through, after all the hurt and anguish he had caused, I still wanted him as much as the first day we met.

  Life had been so easy before Jonah. I had perfected the art years ago of not allowing emotional involvement or attachment to anyone, an art that up until a few months ago served me well. The daughter of a wealth seeking, emotionally neglectful mother, who ended her life to suicide, and adoptive step-daughter to an egotistical, abusive, self made business executive ensured my upbringing was a lonely, detached one. Having no knowledge of my biological father or maternal grandparents meant when I lost my mother, I lost all of my blood relatives. Effectively, I was alone. To be honest, being alone, remaining non reliant on anyone had been much easier to deal with than opening up, laying your soul bare and having it destroyed and crushed in one swift blow.

  Discovering the man I needed like oxygen was already engaged, and playing me, for my disgustingly colossal inheritance, almost finished off what small amount of faith and hope I possessed. In fact, had it not been for my best friend Charlotte and the welcome support of her family I would undoubtedly have caved under the weight of all that I went through over the past months. Inheriting money I didn’t want or need, on top of Jonah and his betrayal was almost too much to bear. The Collins family had been my only means of sharing that load so it didn’t destroy me. Coming to France was my escape. My way of finding solace and much required breathing space. Jonah turning up threatened to hamper both, and I wasn’t going to allow him to pull me under.

  Wading into the dark blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea, I welcomed the refreshing sensation it offered. Taking in a lungful of air before I plunged in, submerging my body fully into the salty depths. Instead of my usual walking or running away from problems and issues, swimming away from them and the cause of all my anguish, currently stood watching on the hot shore, seemed the exact thing to do. Relationships with men always ended this way. After what Jonah had put me through, he was no different. And yet he was. He was so different on so many levels. That’s the reason I had to get away from him and urgently.

  Surfacing, I began to swim. Swimming was something I was competent at. In my mother’s attempt to merge herself into Chicago’s elite, she enrolled me into every class or group that gave her access to the city’s most influential mothers. From a very young age and whenever I was home from private school, Gina used me to gain higher status and made no secret of it. Right now I was thankful for the endless swimming tuition she paid for. It meant putting as much distance between me, and the man I was unable to stop loving, would be achieved quickly. With each stroke, I moved further away from him. I didn’t afford myself the luxury of looking back. Being unable to trust myself not to fall for Jonah’s untruths a second time, spurred me on. Each fluid movement took me further out to sea and further away from my Achilles heel, or so I believed. Panic hit me as a strong hand grasped my ankle and pulled me backwards, forcing my body to spin. Holding my head above the water, Jonah’s arms wrapped firmly around my waist has I tried to escape from his hold. Struggling brought me nothing but a mouthful of sea water which made me choke as the saltiness flooded my throat. Sapphire eyes assessed me with concern as my arms thrashed in an attempt to regain composure.

  “Stop fighting me, Ava.” Jonah’s Irish husk flowed through my panic. “I’ve got you sweetheart, I’m never letting go.”

  “Let me go,” I shouted between gasps for air, “Now.”

  His muscular arms squeezed me tighter as the warm encasing of his body heated my wet flesh. My tightened nipples, pressed against the solid stone of his chest, ached for his attention. I cursed myself for my body’s reaction. Pressed flush against him from hip to shoulder, the feel of his impressive cock against my groin made me whimper. He felt so familiar, so right to be close to and for a moment I forgot all he put me through. Shaking my head as I eventually began to tread water I forced the thought from my head. Looking straight at him, he truly took my breath away. His dark hair was wet and pushed from his tanned face emphasising his full lips and strong jaw line. The clear deep blue of the sea reflected in his equally blue eyes that were soft and bright. He mesmerised me, possessed me and aroused me with one look. Another aspect I added to my rapidly growing ‘things I hate about Jonah’ list.

  Regaining my senses, I calmed my breathing and pushed against his unmoving shoulder “Let me go, Jonah” I repeated. He was calm and composed and held me as solid as a rock as we bobbed gently with the swell of the sea. His hold was unwavering as he remained silent, his only movement the parting of those luscious lips and the rise and fall of his chest against mine. Clutching his thickly muscled upper arms, my legs kicked in small, smooth movements as I continued to tread water.

  “I won’t let go of you again. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered before sealing his lips around mine with a moan.

  His tongue thrust into my mouth as I opened it in protest. He tasted hot, slightly minty and of all things male. His desire exploded against my lips as my protest was muffled under his onslaught. Deep, deliberate licks of his tongue coaxed mine into response as he ate me, his hunger rising as he hardened against my groin despite the coolness of the water. I squirmed against his erection as I grew needy, falling into his kiss. I felt starved of him, barren without him in my life. One arm remained at my waist as he snaked the other up my spine and held my neck at the nape. Angling my mouth, his kiss intensified with brutal force. My lungs burned for air as he sucked me in. Suffocating under the hard pressure of his passion I wrenched my head away effectively breaking the kiss. My chest hurt with the harshness of my rapid breathing, my racing pulse thundered through my veins. The rise and fall of my chest was mirrored by Jonah’s, as his hooded stare locked onto mine.

  “Don’t do this to me,” I pleaded. “Not again.”

&nbs
p; His damp forehead touched mine. His fingers remained tangled in the wet locks of hair at the base of my skull. An exhalation of breath blew across my flushed face as the thud of his heart regained a slower paced rhythm against my chest.

  “I have to Ava. Every second away from you is another second away from my soul. I’m not surviving well without either of you.”

  “You can’t re-do what’s already been done Jonah. You killed everything we had. I won’t recover from the pain if I let you in again. Now please let me go.” My legs were tiring under the constant paddling to keep my head afloat and Jonah’s kiss had left me reeling. The connection that bound us drove both of our bodies to merge with unrelenting force. That all consuming desire to indulge in each other, to fuck one another to the edge of exhaustion clung to us through all we had endured. It bound us, tied us and resided in our minds, bodies and souls. It was undeniable. He owned me in so many ways, as much as it was hard to admit. But it had irrevocably scarred me too. Mental and emotional scars I still bore that were embedded deep. Annoyance lanced through me as the memory of the blonde hair and ice blue eyes of Jonah’s fiancée brought me back to reality. Her image served as a stark reminder, Jonah Jacobson belonged to another and I was not prepared to be the ‘other woman’ any longer.

  “I won’t ask again, Jacobson, let me go,” I said in a strong tone.

  He smiled slightly. “I’m well acquainted with your self defence techniques.”

  “I’m not interested in your attempts at humour.” My body was beginning to feel weighty in the water and it was time to head back to the shore. As competent a swimmer as I was, even I was unable to continue to keep afloat for long periods of time and especially when braced against six feet three inches of pure stone. With my stamina rapidly fading, I tightened my grip around his biceps and attempted to push out of his hold again, this time kicking my flagging legs more determinedly. “Unless you intend on drowning me, let me fucking go.” Begrudgingly his long arms slackened at my waist and his eyes closed in resignation. Sighing profoundly his hands moved to my hips freeing me marginally.